OK so I have had sometime to think about 2008, you know, my dreams, fears, goals etc. If I am honest I am slightly anxious about this incoming year. 2007 was a year of immense challenge! In my own life, in YFC, in my homegroup, in my church and at times I didnt think I was going to get through it. I have learned again the glory of Jesus' grace, the sufficiency of Jesus' mercy and His perfect strength in my weakness, but if I am really honest I am really tender still. I feel a little bit like a ship reaching a harbour after a a rough sea crossing. It is now safe, but the sails are torn and there is little supply on board. I want to be really excited about the potential of a new year, I want to have lots of vision, passion for the lost and most of all I want to be on fire for God... the reality is I am tired, disillusioned, flat and empty. I had hoped that I would have got a good rest over the holidays but my time has been used up at family meals and catching up with friends, which has been amazing, but with the result that I don't think I have caught up with myself.
I have been in this place many times before, it seems to go hand in hand with the type of life I live. My good friend Malcolm J describes me as two people who live in one body. A visionary leader, a passionate evangelist, a preacher and at the same time a lost little boy trying to figure out his journey.
I am throwing this blog open, I would love to hear from people who go through times like this.
Friday, January 04, 2008
Heading into 2008
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5 comments:
All the time, Steve. Just when I think the Lord has led me by the still water, it seems a storm comes in. It's like I have the fullness of the Lord... and I am not full at all. So, naked and broken I draw near to the Lord again and again... asking, seeking, knocking... crying, waiting, wondering... And I always seem to remember then that Jesus really is the Good Shepherd, he really is also the gate... and he really is also a sheep nestled right up next to me. More than me, though, he really is the Lamb of God. He guides me, rescues me, allows me to enter, and dwells with me through all my stink and daily sheepiness.
yeah... i'm there too.
ps. I play Lego with my boys everyday!
Happy New Year Stevie. Not only did you all look like a bunch of fruits on New Years Eve but you got beaten by David Jess' team.
I'm not visionary at all but i get these ideas and get excited then all of a sudden i'm going, 'why am i here, what do i want to do, where is God, why aren't i nicer, why aren't i better at loving, serving etc'.
I think it's cycles and it makes you refocus maybe.
Thanks for the honesty bro.
Sometimes I feel like I have potential, sometimes I feel like I should be using my potential, sometimes I feel like I have no potential.
I feel like there is so much more to invest my life in but I lack confidence in my ability to make changes. Or maybe it's just fear of change or fear of failure.
Look forward to journeying with you in 2008!
I know how you feel mate, the tension is probably always going to be there... hope this year is more chilled
Steven, you probably don't remember me but I met you when you were at GLO. It's refreshing to read your honesty as too often we see people who are in Leadership as some kind of super human being. When the reality is they are often far from that. We ourselves are coming through a winter experience and it's hard at times to see the purpose in our struggles. But what we've realized is that it's okay to be where we're at and be honest with ourselves, those around us and most importantly God.we are learning to say no and prioritise in our life and making the choice to spend the right amount of time with God, with each other and in our ministry here in Italy. May God give you the wisdom and strength to make good choices this year and use you to bring glory to Him. God bless, Angie
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